Normal Life III

Ithaca

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon -- do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not set them up before you.

Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.

Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.

Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would have never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithacas mean.

Constantine P. Cavafy (1911)

Normal Life II

Again it’s the normal life blog, this time is more on relationship also more on stories.

Before this, I wrote about honesty towards what you want and have courage to chase it. I think I am more Aristotlelian than Platonian’s ‘Virtue is Knowledge’ :P

Several cases show me a lot of people desperate to have a relationship. I am nothing against relationship or the desperate feeling. If this feeling because you really want to have some one to be with. It’s normal and it’s ok to be desperate, sometimes you need that. But several cases, this feeling comes from ‘the need to be normal’. They perhaps see the environment (friends, relatives, etc), they are under pressure from the family, try to gain status, racing with time. In the end they take anyone, re-phrase, just anyone in front of them to be with.

Well, here are several stories:

There was one time we were chatting and I think we were a little bit drunk on that day.
One guy asked me if I want to go out with a girl. He kept asking this thing for a few times, what do you think of the girl, you know that she suits you, she is not bad, age is not really a problem, why don’t you go for her, etc. But I kept quite, just smiling. About one week later, there was a rumor that he was picking between two girls and another week later, he said he likes this girl and started to go after her. The girl that he tried to match with me two weeks before.

There was one time we were going out for dinner. She was implying she wasn’t happy with her husband. I was surprised, I didn’t know that she was married. After sometimes, I asked her why did you marry him in the first place? She said she was afraid. Of what? She then said, afraid of the status.

There was one time I was somewhere far from my hometown when I heard the good news. My best friend was getting married! I called her and congratulated her, so we did chit chat a bit. Before I hung up, she said she was afraid. Again… of what? She then said, I don’t know. Again and again… of what? She finally said, I am afraid of the marriage. I asked her, have you both quarreled before? She said not yet. Then I asked how many month have you been together, she said less than one year. I talked to her that she can do it! Everything will be ok. One week after the wedding, there was a phone call. It was her, she was crying. The story became so complicated but in the end they got divorced... three months after the wedding.

There was one time I heard someone was crying. I kept quite that time but I kept hearing another cry over another cry. Another friend came to me, she said what happened. She said she had a fight with her boyfriend. The fight was very bad, not physically bad. Bad in the means of handling problems, respect his partner, selfishness. My friend even told the someone that she would have left him, if she were the someone. And it happened over and over again, same crying, same story, same ending, same solution. To me, those were not normal fights.

There was one time we had a dinner. He said he was getting married, he told me about his girl, how they met. Another day, another dinner, he said he was getting married, he told me about his girl how they met and how he loved her. Another day, another dinner... same repetition, same story. It sounded like he was trying to make himself believe that marrying to this girl was the best. He tried to convince himself that he has found the one. Today he has the status of a married man with a child.

There was one time she told me that she had an attraction for other man. I know that she had difficulties with her boyfriend. She kept telling herself, tried to convince herself that the current boyfriend was the best. I asked her why did she still keep her boyfriend? She said that she couldn’t imagine herself without a boyfriend and she was 26 next year so she had to rush. Now, she is married to another guy. But I think, deep down in her heart at that time, she knew that the boyfriend was not right for her. But yet, she kept him, for the status?

All of the stories above, when I asked them why, the scenarios may vary from A to Z but they turned to same aspect. I really can’t think of other reasons except … “I want to live a normal life” or “I am embarrassed because I am not like others”.

Does this have connection with ‘bitterness’ mentioned by Paulo Coelho? Again, I have nothing against the normal life. As I said before it has been proven to bring stability in life for years and to many people. It just… when I see those people above, again… I feel something is missing.

2008 New Year Wishes

A little bit different than years before, this year count down was made in a simple and quiet celebration. I know this year I need to pay respect and be grateful to what I have been through and getting in 2007.

I remember after a long dark period which ended by a terrible hardship, I returned. I also remember during the several first returns, I returned with a lot of tears. Not tears of bitterness of what had happened to me but more to the shame and regret. That was 2006…

The Chinese says ‘guang yin yi jian’ - time flies like an arrow. Looking back through 2007, many major blocks have been rebuilt again from the ruins. Job, shelter, a home church, family, friends and friends and more friends ^_^ and other things which I think come in the right moment, although some needs huge efforts to master them.

Looking forward to 2008 and 2009, there are several big plans ahead and still many things which need to be controlled and improved. I hope I have more courage and confidence, I know it is not an easy job to keep myself on track.

Well, with this very simple blog, I wish you a Happy New Year!!.

With good luck, forward!!

Normal Life

The term normal is to say something or someone is conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural. Other dictionary says conforming with or constituting a norm or standard or level or type or social norm. The word talks about standard.

When I read the Ecclesiastes said "All is meaningless", I ponder what I have been doing till this second. The sentence is not a new to me, in fact I wrote this statement on the first page of my Bachelor's thesis. Stories of life that I see from my friends are... they go to school, try to be the best of the best, go to good uni, graduate, find a good job, find a wife/husband, have kids, choose best school for the kids, and then the kids will go to school too, try to be the best of of the best too, go to good uni too, graduate, find a good job too... and all over again and all over again.

So they will stick to the ground and basic rule in finding job, finding school, finding mates, choosing place to live. Many of them let go of their dream job or even their dream girl/boy to stick to this, so called, commonly most acceptable basic society/family rules or code of conduct.

Sounds pretty sucks right? I don’t know about other countries but I think 80% of Indonesian Chinese call for this as a good and successful life. It is conforming to the standard of common type and social norm. So, good and successful life is a normal life. Well, is it? In general extreme these people, they are not good singers, not good swimmers, don't know how to smoke, etc. They don’t know how to do the “Ho Ryu Ken” in Street Fighter or don’t know who is Akira Toriyama or Naoko Takeuchi.. . Those examples above are very extreme to a certain extent but what I am trying to say is, it seems they are too busy with achieving the good/successful life until they are not fun anymore.

Some of them are even worse, they act like they are having fun, they thought they are having fun or they are fun. In the end, when they are challenged to do something different, they choose to go back to their good and successful life. What is wrong with living a normal life? Nothing’s wrong with that, really.. nothing’s wrong! They live by the examples and norms set by their parents and society. This normal life has been tested for hundreds of year and proven to bring stability in life. Again, nothing’s wrong!! I just feel something is missing but I am not sure what it is.

Ending my comment on normal life, it is nice to know someone who is honest. Someone who has a might to admit and follows his/her honesty. Hmmm.. maybe that’s why sometimes I feel sorry for people who betray their honesty and pretend to enjoy the, so called, normal life. They have big dreams but they are too afraid to chase them. I wonder whether they enjoy their live.

It's a heart problem

Every year, around 32 million people world wide suffer from heart attack. Around half of the fatal attack victims die before reaching hospital. So many people with the heart problem.

After sometimes, I become aware about heart problem with people around me. Different from the first heart problem, the cause of the second heart problem is something (read: someone) from outside of our system. I saw many friends crying or shouting. They are immobilized, tormented, paralyzed by their heart problem.
In many times, we still can live without vision or objectives for our life. At least we can pretend nothing's wrong with our system and we can continue with our 'beautiful regular repetitive days'. But when our heart is attacked by issues and problem, many of us cannot stand it. We want to get away from it immediately, we want to be healed as soon as possible because usually it hurts like hell. So some of us go for instant medicines, which are proven only can give a temporary fake solution.

What counts is who we are. This fast new world always tells us about changing. But I guess, we need something unchangeable inside. The stable core to be an anchor in raging sea of life.
I read a story about $100 note. In short, although the money is new or has been dumped to dirt, the value is still $100. I believe our stable core is our value. So it is important to make our value in line with the principle value. It is not what we say, what we wear, or our fake smile *sincere smile is ok :)*, or our money which are important.

No one can predict what will happen in the future. But I'm sure, the happiness and sadness are all in our heart. We only have one heart so we must be brave to embrace the future. I always tell a story about some one who crosses the road. He knows when he reaches other side of the road, he can eat a super dooper terrific delicious mouth watering ice cream. But as he crosses the road, the possibility of him being hit by a car also becomes real.
Every one wants to eat the ice cream. But some of us decide not to cross the road, some of us cross the road and hit by a car and after that don't want to cross again or even worse, some of us hope the ice cream guy will deliver the ice cream to us. But whatever our decision is, the fact will remain the same, happiness and sadness stays in same box. You cannot find happiness if you reject your sadness.
Again, what inside is important. It will need a big heart to forgive, it will need a secure heart to trust someone. We need to love and respect ourselves before we can love and respect others. Fill your cup first before you can fill some one's cup.

It is almost one month since the new year and 6 months since I left my family. For some, maybe it is not a big deal go somewhere alone and start things over again. For me, well... I never imagine I can go here by my own, with no one's help. Still many to adjust and compromise, hopefully everything will go well and nice :) I will be brave to embrace the upcoming but this time I will let Him stands by my side, be my might and my high tower. I won't make the same mistake again!
The Phoenix has reborn from the ashes...

2007 New Year Wishes

Be Thou My Vision

Traditional Irish (8 AD)

Be Thou my wisdom and Thou my true word
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son
Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one

Be Thou my breast-plate, my sword for the fight
Be Thou my armour and be Thou my might
Thou my soul's shelter and Thou my high tower
Raise Thou me heavenward, O power of my power

High King of heaven, my victory won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever be fall
Still be my vision, O Ruler of all!

If we could choose...

Many books and movies try to say that life is beautiful. The person in the story usually suffers from heavy burden and sorrow. Then things will slowly work out so he/she can life happily ever after.

Why people continuously tell these kind of stories? I think because these stories can inspire and make us stronger. But then why we need to be strengthen? I think because life is not as beautiful as those people are telling.

In Christian's faith, God gave His child so we can get an eternal life. He gave His child because all people are sinner and need to be saved. The question is 'if He is so powerful and has all the knowledge in the world, and He knows all people will sin, why He still created us?'
Despite of how Calvinism has shaped European countries, it offers the predestination concept, the concept on which my presbyterian church holds. In brief, this concept says we have been predestined or predetermined to be saved merely by His grace.
Following above thoughts, I wonder why people celebrate Easter and Christmas. If He decided not to create us, there will be no people in hell who will burnt by eternal fire. He knew but yet He still did it. Then He came to save us and so many people praise and thank Him. Think about the others who are not predestined to be saved.

In more practical way, if I could choose to be born or not, I would choose not. I am not saying I don't value life. I am not saying that I want to die now. I am just tired working, doing the routines, suffer from pain and sickness, getting old, break up, etc.
But I am alive now, He decided to create me in this world, so there is no choice to live to the fullest. My priest said He loves us until He gives us free will to love Him or not. Wow... the grace of free will, but what is "free will" if in the end, people who didn't live by His rules will be banished from heaven? You are not as free as you think...

Who is Phoenix?

Phoenix has been found in many ancient civilizations. From all the ancients, Phoenix has been considered holding a great value and high virtue.

Perhaps the most well known Phoenix is Arabian Phoenix. The mythical bird said to live for 500 years, 540 years, 1,000 years, 1,461 years, 12,994 years (according to various accounts). As he approaches his death, Phoenix would set the fire, which will consume himself. After three days, he will re-birth (rises from the ashes).
In Egypt, Phoenix is called Benu/Bennu. It resembles immortality and associated with the sun.
The Chinese Phoenix (Fenghuang) is the symbol of high virtue, grace, of power and prosperity. It represents the union of Yin and Yang. Its feathers were of the five fundamental colors: black, white, red, green, and yellow. It was said to represent the Confucian virtues of loyalty, honesty, modesty, and justice.
In Japan, Phoenix (Hou-Ou) very much resembles the Chinese Phoenix in looks. The Hou-Ou has been adopted as a symbol of the royal family, the Empress (similar in China). It supposed to represent the sun, justice, and fidelity.